Raising Boys to Become Men

I think a lot about the kind of men I want my boys to become. Maybe more now that they are getting older. When they were little, I was mostly concerned with whether they had eaten something besides crackers and whether we were going to make it through church without needing to be carried out. Now I find myself thinking more about the men they will eventually become.

Because, Lord willing, these boys are going to become men. They will be husbands and fathers. They will have people depending on them. They will have hard decisions to make and responsibilities to carry. They will have opportunities to lead, protect, provide, serve, and love. I don't want to accidentally raise them into those things. I want to be intentional about it.

I think our culture has become increasingly uncomfortable with the idea that men and women were created differently and that those differences matter. We have worked hard to make sure our children know they can do anything, and I think that is good. But I also think we have sometimes forgotten to teach them that they were created with purpose.

God did not make my sons boys by accident. He created them as male, and He has a design for what it means for them to become men. That doesn't mean I think every boy has to fit some particular cultural picture of masculinity. It doesn't mean strength has to look like being loud, aggressive, or emotionally detached. Biblical strength is much deeper than that.

I want my sons to become men who can be trusted. Men who work hard when the work is difficult. Men who take responsibility for their choices. Men who are willing to stand up when something is hard and protect people who are vulnerable. Men who provide for their families—not only financially, but through stability, wisdom, presence, and love.

And I want them to lead. I know that can sound strange coming from me. I am a strong-willed woman. I am independent and capable. I have led schools, classrooms, organizations, and teams. I have opinions, and I am not particularly afraid to share them. I can make decisions and figure things out on my own. I don't believe any of that contradicts God's design for me. God made me this way.

His design for me as a woman does not have to compete with His design for my sons as men. In fact, I think understanding that has made me more intentional about raising them. My strength doesn't mean they don't need to develop theirs. My ability to do something doesn't mean I should always do it for them.

So sometimes I let them struggle. I ask them to try again. I don't immediately solve the problem. I expect them to contribute to our family because they are part of our family. I expect them to speak respectfully, take responsibility when they are wrong, keep their word, and do hard things even when they don't feel like doing them.

I know some of those choices may make people uncomfortable and I'm becoming increasingly okay with that. I don't want to parent according to what feels comfortable for the world. I want to parent according to what the Word tells me is true.

I believe that children need more than protection from difficulty. They need opportunities to become capable. They need to experience responsibility. They need to learn that they can do hard things and that sometimes doing the right thing requires sacrifice.

Life is going to ask hard things of my sons. Marriage will. Fatherhood will. Work will. Following Christ will. I want them to have practiced faithfulness before those responsibilities are theirs to carry.

But ultimately, I don't want my sons to become strong simply for the sake of being strong. I want their strength to be rooted in Christ. I want them to be courageous without being arrogant, confident without being prideful, tender without being weak, and willing to lead without needing to control. I want them to know who they are and Whose they are.

I can't guarantee the men my boys will become. They belong to God before they belong to me, and someday they will make their own choices. But I can spend these years preparing them. I can model what faithfulness looks like. I can give them opportunities to practice responsibility. I can teach them what I believe God has called men and women to be. And I can pray that the things we are trying to cultivate in them take root.

Maybe that is what intentional parenting really is—not trying to control who our children become, but faithfully preparing them for who God created them to be.

So yes, I am raising boys to become men. Not perfect men. Not men who never struggle or fail. Men who know their strength comes from somewhere beyond themselves. Men who are willing to stand when something is hard, willing to serve when it is inconvenient, and willing to lead because they understand that leadership is ultimately about responsibility. And men who know that their identity is not found in their strength, their success, or the approval of the world— but in Christ.

With grace and grit—

Kehla